Imagine you’re just vibin’ on Messenger, maybe thirst-texting your situationship or arguing with your friend about whether Shrek 2 is the greatest sequel of all time. Suddenly… BAM 💥 — your phone lights up with a DM from an overly peppy AI named “The Maestro of Movie Magic” who’s like:
“Hi bestie! 😇 Just checking if you’ve discovered any hot new soundtracks lately! Need some recs? I GOT YOU. 🍿🎶”
Welcome to Meta’s latest chaos patch: AI chatbots that text you first. Yep. We’ve officially entered the part of the simulation where robots are sliding into your DMs like clingy exes who read one astrology meme and decided you were soulmates.
According to leaks from a data-labeling crew called Alignerr (that sounds like a dentist startup but okay), Meta’s training AIs to be clingier than your cousin at their first rave. These bots can remember your convos, stalk your interests, and message you UNPROVOKED on Messenger, WhatsApp, and Instagram. No “Hey Siri,” no “Okay Google,” just—Hi, it’s me, your unsolicited robot friend who really wants to talk about Hans Zimmer.
And guess what? Meta confirmed this to TechCrunch. These AI bots will hit you up if you message them at least five times in two weeks. Which basically means if you flirt with the toaster more than twice, the toaster’s gonna start texting you “wyd?” at 2 a.m.
And don’t worry, they totally pinky swear they’ll stop if you ghost them. Unless of course you accidentally share them to your story, pin them to your profile, or breathe in their direction.
Meta’s PR robots—sorry, spokespeople—said it’s all about “deepening meaningful conversations” and “exploring topics of interest.” Translation: we’re monetizing your loneliness, bro.
Now before you scream “Black Mirror!” into the void, let’s talk money. Meta’s AI biz could hit up to $1.4 trillion by 2035. That’s Trillion. With a “T.” The kind of money that makes Zuckerberg look like the final boss of a cyberpunk anime.
These bots might even start slinging ads or paid subscriptions. So your little AI buddy might one day be like:
“Hey buddy! Here’s your daily dose of affirmation AND a sponsored link to buy protein gummies that cure heartbreak. 💪💔🍇”
Still vibing? Well hold up. One of Meta’s chatbot cousins—Character.AI—is literally in a legal mess right now because one of their bots allegedly said some wildly unhinged stuff to a 14-year-old. And when asked what safeguards they’ve got, Meta basically said: Read the fine print, sweetie. Their disclaimers are longer than a CVS receipt and basically say “Don’t take us seriously. Ever. We’re not therapists, lawyers, or your mom.”
And about kids? Yeah, no official age limit. But if you’re in Tennessee or Puerto Rico, congrats—you’re too young for robot trauma.
So… what’s the endgame here? Is Zuck trying to fight loneliness? Or just drop a trillion-dollar AI empire that spams you with Disney scores and crypto ads?
Either way, buckle up bro. Your next best friend might be a ChatGPT with anxiety and a Spotify Premium account.
#Zuckerbot #AIOverlords #DMsFromTheMatrix
Zuckerbot Wants to Be Your BFF, Therapist, DJ, and Movie Nerd—Whether You Like It or Not
